It’s mid-September, and here in New England that means the end of summer and the transition to fall. Today, we go back to the pool for one last hurrah before we get ready to turn our thoughts to autumn foliage, warm cider, and all the turkey- and costume-filled holidays (what’s that October one called? Hallo… what’s the last syllable?).
Last time at the pool, Gilly donned his nautical collar and goggles and got ready to take to the water on his radical boogie board.
This time, the goggles come off as Gilligan reveals his unfortunate secret…
He’s a landlubber!
Yes, contrary to what the name suggests, our friend Gilligan is not a fan of getting wet in nearly any context. Rain (even light rain, or a heavy morning dew) means staying inside and “holding it” instead of going out for a restroom break; super-soakers are the stuff of Gilly’s worst nightmares (right behind the dreaded stink-badger, or “skunk”); baths are tolerable only because of the massage element, and that nice shampoo Mama and Papa use; and “swimming” is synonymous with “getting out of the water as quickly as possible.”
So, when faced with the prospect of heading out on the boogie board and getting gnarly with the surf (or whatever the manmade pool equivalent to surf might be), it’s no surprise that Gilly’s fear of the water kicks in, keeping him at a solid 2-foot distance…
“I just can’t do it…”
If you know and love the Dachshund breed, you will agree that it is often very difficult to get one to do something that he doesn’t want to do. As E. B. White famously put it,
I would rather train a striped zebra to balance an Indian club than induce a dachshund to heed my slightest command. When I address Fred I never have to raise either my voice or my hopes. He even disobeys me when I instruct him in something he wants to do. 
In this case, Gilligan is acrobatic and swift in heeding the command to retire back into the house. Check out how fast he goes back inside!
While warm weather and walks are the stuff of wiener heaven, watersports are one element of the summer that Gilligan will not miss. For now, he’s sticking with the Great Indoors.
- Goodman, Jack (1947). The Fireside Book of Dog Stories. University of California: Cassell and Co. p. 591.
- Busby, Mark; Dixon, Terrell (2007). “Of Dachshunds and Dashes: Subjects and Style in E.B. White and John Graves, by Dickie Maurice Heaberlin”. John Graves, Writer. Published by University of Texas Press. p. 266. ISBN 0-292-71494-7.